November is National Adoption Month, but every month in the United States there are nearly 425,000 minors and youth in foster care.

From infants to age 21, children and young people who have been removed from their birth situation and placed in temporary family settings, await either a reunion within their original parents, perhaps a placement with a willing relative, or what is perhaps a more elusive outcome, adoption into a family which will love them and truly “bring them up as their own.”

Donna and Zach Whittle are two who have done just that. This month, the family celebrated a year since three little brothers became official members of the Whittle family.

Without children, on the brink of entering their 30s, the high school sweethearts, each from sizable families, knew that they wanted children of their own. But health reasons made that a challenge. And then Donna attended a Boys Town event where she learned about and actually met young people in foster care.

“There were two little elementary-age siblings, but not in a placement together. I really connected with them… what it must be like to be separated from the only real family you have,” Donna Whittle said.

And she began to think about, and then to lobby her husband, toward becoming foster parents. They waited a year, but soon together, they began the preparatory work, the training, the licensing, the vast learning curve which would allow them to welcome children who, by the very circumstance of foster care, had been traumatized.

Donna Whittle, who works (from home now) as an internal auditor for the state, and Zach, who is a Leon County Sheriff’s Department Corrections officer, received their Foster License in November of 2019 after 21 hours of twice-a-week Quality Parent Training, background checks, a home study, and clearance of the house as a safe environment.

“It was a roller coaster of emotions,” says Donna. “The goal of fostering is to eventually reunite the children and their families if possible. It is necessary to try to understand the birth families and the challenges there. Throughout all of our fostering, we have maintained those contacts and tried to include them when it was appropriate.”

She says that even today she relies on several support groups of fostering parents when both normal issues of parenting, and those specific to parenting foster children arise. “It really is wonderful to have those other voices,” she says.

Kathy Donofro, Adoption and Permanency Placement Specialist at the Northwest Florida Health Network which oversees between 120 and 200 adoptions a year through their contracted agencies, says she has worked in adoptions for the last 24 years and has seen wonderful outcomes time and again.

“We don’t often see babies, though they do come into our system,” Donofro said. “But the need for foster parents and those wishing to adopt older children and teens is there.”

She takes pride in the fact that “most children don’t ‘age out’ without either a foster or adoptive family being in their life. “Some older individuals may go into independent living or if they are in school and over 18 have extended foster care to remain with their family, but we try to make sure there is someone who cares involved in their life,” Donofro said.

Three years ago, the first child that Donna and Zach Whittle were asked to care for was placed in their home. He was a 1-month-old baby boy. His arm had been broken. “He stayed with us for only four months, but yes, I bonded with him,” says Whittle. But she also developed a good relationship with the birth parents, including visits. The little boy was eventually permanently placed with a grandparent, but Donna still gets photos of the now 3-year-old child.

Some foster placements were not “successful.” One 8-year-old child had been traumatized in such a way that Donna Whittle says she needed “therapeutic placement,” not “traditional.” The child was able to stay with them for only three weeks. Another older teen was with the Whittles on and off three times, each time, there were problems arising for the youth.

“He was 15 and had been in the system for years. He humbled me. It is one thing to read about his history, and another to have him describe it to me. It made me grateful for what we have,” Donna Whittles said. Even after he left, the boy has stayed in touch with the Whittles. “I bought him a new outfit for a job interview,” she says. She wants him to know that he is important.

One mid-teen girl who was placed with the couple had grown up in the system and had been shifted from one foster setting to another. She was finally in the process of being adopted — the “prize,” when suddenly, it didn’t go through, says Donna Whittle. “She is 18 today, but we still get together. We go for manicures. She came to our house for Thanksgiving. It’s important to continue the relationship.”

And then, just under three years ago, there arrived what would become the Whittles’ forever family in the form of three little boys, Ryan, 2, Logan, 3, and Ryan, 6.

At the time, the Whittles also had a 5-year-old girl with them in the four bedroom, 2,000 square-foot house. “A sibling group was what I had always envisioned,”  Donna Whittle said. “Being able to keep a little family together.”

But she knew that if the goal of a family reunification were accomplished, it would mean for her and Zach, another goodbye. In the end, the birth family was unable to resume custody of the boys. “When they terminated their rights, the mother gave me a big hug and said, ‘I know you’ll take care of my kids.’ It was bittersweet. They had lost their family, but we had gained our own.”

The Whittles work at keeping the lines of communication open with the birth family however.

“We occasionally have lunch, or go to the park with them. There are phone calls,” Donna Whittle said. But over the years, the words used in the Whittle household tell much about the dynamic that has grown up to unite the new entity — the new Family.

Donna Whittle naturally calls River, “my youngest,” and Logan, “my middle son.” In the background of a phone call, little voices through the door can be heard calling, “Mama,” while the oldest boy, Ryan, says that he has “two moms and two dads,” and calls each of them that.

Donna Whittle freely acknowledges that there are parts of being a foster parent that are challenging. “It is sometimes an emotional roller coaster. Yet it is the most rewarding adventure of our lives. To watch the children overcome such tremendous obstacles at such young ages is a joy. To give them experiences they would have never had is utterly special.”

And so was the day, Nov. 26, 2019, when three little brothers who had spent the last 815 days in the foster care system, became official members of the Whittle family.

But there are others who still wait.

In the United States in 2019, there were over 251,000 children who entered the foster care system. The average age is currently 8 years old. About a third of the children are of color. And last year in the U.S., over 17,000 “aged out” of the system. Statistics tell us that those children will be at increased risk of homelessness, unemployment, and incarceration.

Donna Whittle hopes that other families will consider becoming foster parents.

“To be able to provide hope, faith, and love to vulnerable children and their families may be part of God’s plan for those with open hearts,” she says, quoting 1 Corinthians, 16:14: “Let all that you do be done in love.”

The Whittles have shown others exactly how to do it.

Learn about adoption

For information about becoming an adoptive parent in Leon, Wakulla, Gadsden, Jefferson, Liberty, and Franklin counties call Children’s Home Society at 850-488-0506 or visit www.chsfl.org.

For additional about being a foster parent or adoption, visit https://nwfhealth.org/services/adoption-services

Orginal story posted by Tallahassee.com